We moved to Michigan for my husband’s job toward the end of last summer. It was a decision we had been wrestling with prior to making the move – at first I had told him NO WAY to moving north and west. But, as we prayed, God began to change my heart. I saw verses about God leading us to where He wants us and directing the steps of the godly (as I have mentioned before). Eventually we agreed to move, and everything “fell into place” – which I attribute to God working in our lives! Our house sold, we found a home here, the boys loved their school, etc. Part of why I felt like it may be a good fit for us was that my husband’s job was near MSU, which offered a doctoral program in marketing. It had been a dream of mine to obtain my PhD, but I wasn’t sure how realistic that goal really was…
I was invited to attend a BSF Bible study on the life of Moses. I went solely for the fellowship at first – I had already studied the Old Testament on my own and felt like I really knew about Moses and those books of the Bible, but I was anxious to meet other women in this area. I was impressed with how much I learned through this study and how I saw God using His Word to reassure me on this journey. I saw how God led the steps of the Israelites and directed their paths, providing for them and even bringing restoration through their journey out of slavery into the Promised Land. At the point where we studied about Caleb and Joshua and the other 10 tribal leaders scouting out the land (Numbers 13), I “coincidentally” (although, we know that nothing happens by coincidence!) met a woman from my church – who was placed in the same small group that we were – who is a PhD student at MSU in the business department. While she is in a different program, her office is on the same floor as the marketing department and knew students in the program I wanted to pursue. She invited me to come and check out the school, have coffee and chat with those students. It was the exact same week that God said it was a good idea to scout out the land and see the rich produce, etc. It was confirmation that I was walking in the right direction!
After meeting those students, I felt that it was time to take the next step; I wanted to make this dream a reality. But, I had already missed the deadline to apply for this year. I also hadn’t taken my GMAT yet, which was required to get accepted. GMAT scores of accepted applicants typically range in the upper 600s, and the exam includes some intense math concepts that I hadn’t even been exposed to for well over a decade. I was SCARED! I prayed, and I remembered those two “good” scouts who we named our children after. In Numbers 14:8, Caleb said that if God was pleased with them, it didn’t matter that there were giants in the land; God would take care of them if they obeyed. And the timing mattered! They needed to obey immediately and not wait (which is the opposite of what they did, unfortunately). So, I signed up for the GMAT and asked folks to pray. I also tried to “arm myself for battle” in studying the concepts. The math was honestly a little beyond my capabilities. It was a giant to me! But, I trusted in God. And I asked others to pray! My mom also sent me these verses from Caleb and Joshua exploring the land and saying that the land was good and if God was for them, the giants didn’t matter in the grand scheme. I laughed that the day of my exam was National PI Day, 3.14.15 (God does have a sense of humor!).
While I failed to get a good score on the practice exams, I did well enough on the actual exam to feel like I was okay to apply. It was a reminder to me of God’s faithfulness! Even though the deadline to apply was January 10 and I didn’t take the exam until the mid-March, I submitted my application and got my letters of recommendation in. It wasn’t until April that everything was officially submitted. I was told by the secretary that my timing was far too late. She was going to put my application in for the following fall. I had felt like I was supposed to get everything ready for this fall, but I just let it in God’s hands. I knew the door should according to the world’s standards already be shut, and I knew that getting in was one in a million. They are considered an elite school that picks only a small percentage of applicants to attend. I hadn’t been in school for more than a decade, I have three young children, I’m not the “typical” student by any means… but I also know that God is greater than circumstances and deadlines. I continued to pray but told God that it’s all in His hands, including the timing.
I was SHOCKED to receive an email toward the end of April from one of the professors at MSU, inviting me to lunch. It was the same week that our Bible study was on passing the leadership from Moses to Joshua. Over and over again, the encouragement “Be strong and courageous!” (Deuteronomy 31:6, 31:7, 31:23, etc) jumped out at me. I was nervous. I wasn’t sure what to say or even what to eat at the restaurant they picked (which had ethnic cuisine that I didn’t recognize). But, I took the words of the study to heart. The night before the interview, I received an email where they asked to change the venue based on timing of where they would be that day. I didn’t have to worry about what to order that wouldn’t be messy. Even though I practiced answering questions that are typically asked in interviews, I didn’t need most of those answers because they did a majority of the talking. I left in awe of how God works on our behalf. My chances of getting into the program went from one in a million to looking half decent!
While the professor I met with said he would be back to me that Monday, the day came and went with no news. I knew we had just had lunch on Friday, but he had said he would let me know an update even if it was just a note to say they were working on it. Tuesday came and went with nothing. Wednesday… Thursday… Friday… nothing! There was no news even that following Monday. But, on 5/5/15 (I love little dates like this to remember!) I received a call that the head of the department wanted to meet with me in his office. Shawn left work early to pick up the kids from school that Thursday afternoon and I went in, completely unprepared for the meeting…
I received a letter noting that I had “provisional acceptance” for the Fall of 2015 based on acing two summer classes in statistics (since my quantitative scores were lower than they like to see on the GMAT and since I hadn’t taken a stats class in over a decade). They also noted I would have to pay for these classes, and the second class was during the day when my kids were home from school on summer break. No beach trip this summer. No going “home” to PA to see family and friends. 😦 I was also reeling from sticker shock at paying for two expensive courses. The head of the department went on to say that I could expect 60-80 hour work weeks – it’s not unrealistic to work from 9 am to 9 pm. All I could think about was my three young boys – those sweet faces that make my world – never seeing their mama. Those are the only hours they are awake! I got teary in his office; in fact, I would go ahead and say it was one of the worst interviews I’ve ever done. Yikes!
I came home and cried. What I assumed would be a happy day in getting accepted turned into an extremely rough day. In fact, I cried until I gave myself a migraine and had to go to bed. My sweet husband said he would support me any way he could. He’ll help find childcare (as that’s my biggest fear), and he’ll love me no matter what I choose. (Have I mentioned lately how great the man I married is?!?!)
I called my Mom to ask her opinion. She said it was a big commitment, but we were here! She said maybe it was time to ask for a fleece. “A WHAT!?!” I asked, “Mom, it’s 80 degrees here today, why on earth do I need a fleece?” thinking she meant a sweatshirt. She replied “A fleece, a sign, like Gideon when he asked for the wool fleece to be wet when the ground was dry and then the fleece to be dry when the ground was wet.” I recognized the story (found in Judges 6:37-40), but I hadn’t heard the expression to ask for a fleece rather than a sign. Later, I called my sister to ask her opinion, thinking she would tell me I was crazy for even thinking of taking on this task when my kids were in their formative years. She said that maybe asking to do just the one class online would be my fleece. What?!?! I felt like that was what I should do. I spoke to other friends who encouraged me to go for it but to also recognize that time with the kids was important. I asked our babysitter about how her PhD program was going (a totally different program but still at the same school) and if she had any words of wisdom.
I’ve been wrestling with the decision (even crying in the shower!) and praying and asking for a definitive answer on the right thing to do. I just keep coming back to God allowing doors to open. I had a phone call with another professor in charge of this program, who said I only had to pay for and pass the second of the two classes instead of taking both. But, I had to attend another course (simply sit in on it) to prepare me for the second. I was expecting to take the first class and not the second (with the first one being online). Now I had two in-person classes and no childcare. So, while financially it looked better, I felt all the more devastated. But I asked if I could attend a closed section, which meets two evenings a week. They agreed, noting I’d have to pull in a chair from another room. I’ll be apart from my family two nights a week for the next six weeks and then two days a week at the end of the summer (pray that I can figure out a good solution for my kiddos!). But, I’ll be learning valuable concepts that will help me in the program.
I read the end of the Moses Bible study and reflected on God’s goodness and had a new peace about the decision to go for it, despite the time commitment. The author of the study noted “the beauty of God’s love is as impressive as the splendor of His glory.” She notes later “God alone is the source of every blessing!” and “God defends, safeguards and blesses His people.” God safeguards us. He doesn’t give us more than we can handle. He fights for us and defends us. We can trust His protection and love. In reflecting on the life and death of Moses, she noted that he demonstrated “unshakable faith in the most shaking circumstances.” That’s exactly what I need! I underlined: “God is the one who gave Moses his intellectual ability and ordained the circumstances in his life.” Wow! Was that something to chew on… perhaps this is another one of those moments where God has brought us here for such a time as this. He ordains our circumstances and gives us our capabilities. If we keep our focus on God and reflect Him to others, He will continue to guide our steps and keep us from drowning in sorrow or poor decisions.
Today I signed the acceptance letter, and I start my first class next week. I will do my best and allow God to take care of the rest. He has never failed and won’t start now! I trust Him for my future and the future of my family, especially these sweet kiddos He has entrusted to us.
Will you join me in praying for the details? I mean, if you’ve read this far, what’s a minute more in prayer? 😉
Father God, we thank You for all You have done on our behalf. Thank You for revealing to us Your care and Your presence in the details of our lives. We know that timing isn’t by chance and mere coincidences don’t happen over and over again – we see You and recognize Your faithfulness. We praise You for who You are and all You do! Lord, we also thank You for the life of Moses and his faithfulness in recording the journey of the Israelites so that we can know You better and Your heart for Your people. Thank You for the Bible and our easy access to it. God, we ask right now that You would continue to ordain all our circumstances and days. We pray that You would allow us to continue to focus on You, even as life gets busier. May we continue to be a reflection of Your goodness and mercy to those around us. I specifically and humbly pray for our boys – Joshua, Caleb and Ryan – please provide the best option for care for them and open wide doors and close others tightly. If this is not Your will, please clearly make us all see that. But, if You are opening doors, help us boldly walk through, trusting You to provide all we need. I pray for those who read this post, that they would be encouraged about how much You care about the details of our lives. We love and honor You! In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!
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