Have you ever read a passage in the Bible and immediately felt convicted and the need to repent?
I typically read my Bible in the morning, and I’ve read it so much that at times I think that I’ll know what the chapter is going to say. But even with my familiarity with the stories and verses, the Holy Spirit can highlight verses and bring new revelation that brings me to my knees (or truly on my face).
I’m currently reading in Numbers again about how the 12 spies went to explore the Promised Land and came back to give their report of how amazing and fruitful the land was but how big and strong their enemies who lived there were (Numbers 13). While ten of the men spread discouraging reports, two of the spies went against the crowd (Joshua and Caleb, who my two oldest boys are named after) and said “…if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey, and he will give it to us! Do not rebel against the Lord and don’t be afraid of the people of the land. They are only helpless prey to us! They have no protection, but the Lord is with us! Don’t be afraid of them!” (Numbers 14:8-9).
How did the people respond? They talked about stoning these two men (verse 10). The people began “weeping aloud” and “they cried all night” (Numbers 14:1b, emphasis mine) and their voices rose against their leaders in complaint. They started planning on going back to where they came from. Even though they had lived in slavery and seen God’s miracles in their escape, their memories of the past, their hardships of the present, and their now lost hope for the future clouded their thinking, making them strongly desire to go back to the past. They were not trusting God and were looking at their current circumstances rather than the bigger picture of who God is and what He had planned.
I wrote in my margins: “Please forgive me for wanting to go back.” I’ve been homesick this week. Facebook memories of special times with family and friends in the summer, remembering running with friends on the weekends, reminiscing about how much I enjoyed the classes at my gym, thinking of the produce stands where the kids and I would buy fresh fruits and veggies for dinner for cheap, special kid-friendly adventures we used to do regularly … EVERYTHING was making me want to go “home.” Like those Israelites, I too was contemplating my return, even though I KNOW that God had told us to come here. It was a humbling moment to read these verses and know that my reading was not coincidental that morning. I immediately got on the ground in prayer and then afterward called my husband to ask for his forgiveness as well.
How did God respond to the Israelites’ complaints, whining and disobedience? He offered to kill them all and make Moses a great nation instead (Numbers 14:12). But, Moses was humble and reminded God that He was showing the world His power, His unfailing love, and His forgiveness. The Lord graciously pardoned the people’s sin in Numbers 14, BUT He said not one of them would see the fulfillment of His promise, except for Caleb and Joshua. The rest would die in the wilderness and their kids would be the ones who would inherit the land. It made my heart sad, for the people realized they had angered God. But, He did what He said He would do. Only Joshua and Caleb lived to see the Promised Land out of that entire generation.
Today and going forward, may we not be quick to complain but rather have hearts of thanksgiving. May we be joyful ALWAYS. May we spend enough time talking with God and in His Word that we TRUST everything He says. If God promises to move mountains, close the mouths of lions or part the seas, may we automatically believe not only that He can but also that He will! And for the times that we have failed to recognize His goodness and instead look back, may we fully repent and change our thinking by the renewing of our minds. Let’s pray together!
Father God, thank You so much for the truth in Your Word. Thank You that these words are life and written for us to read and get to know You and Your heart. Please forgive our disobedience, our unbelief, our looking back and our loss of hope. Will You give us a fresh revelation of what You desire for us? May we be thankful rather than grumbling, joyful rather than miserable, and in constant communication with You as we navigate the journey You have for us. Keep us from looking back, from longing for the past. Help us remember that Your promises are for our good. You have given us hope and a future! May we rest in Your unfailing love and forgiveness. Help us teach our kids and the next generation the truths of Your Word. We praise You, Lord. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!