VALGOOD

“But who am I to appear before Pharaoh?” Moses asked God. “How can you expect me to lead the Israelites out of Egypt?” Exodus 3:11

Moses was one of the greatest leaders of all time, yet when he was first called, he protested to God that he wasn’t good enough for the job. When I was reading from Exodus this week, these verses resonated with what I’m beginning to recognize in myself. I have an extremely deep fear of failing. And I doubt I’m the only one.

Sadly, if I don’t believe I can successfully do something, I’m likely not to try at all. Recently I was invited to do a program that would be good for me, but I didn’t sign up for it for fear that I couldn’t stick with it. I read in a psychology book that there’s something deep within us that feels like we need to stick with our commitments. If we don’t, we experience internal turmoil. I definitely feel that – to the point that I won’t even try to commit if I don’t believe in my heart I can finish.

Why do people not run for political office when we need good candidates? Why do folks not try out for plays or team sports? Not move to a new area for a potentially great life change? Not try to achieve their dreams? I think it’s a fear of failure that paralyzes us from moving forward. We’ve pushed this fear down so long that we don’t even recognize it as such and instead make up a million excuses as to why something won’t work for us, for our schedules, for our lives.

Recently my family went to a water park and my oldest son and I went down this huge tube slide. At the end of it, the force of the water shoots the raft out of the slide and straight down into a long lazy river that keeps looping around and around. If you would rather slide down the tube again instead, there’s a sign that says to get off immediately and get the ladder. The problem is that there is a STRONG undercurrent pushing all the rafts away from the ladder toward the lazy river. I climbed off the raft and lunged for the ladder with all my might to get out, thinking my son was right with me. He was trying but called out, “HELP ME! I can’t fight this current!” I grabbed his arm just in time and told him to hold onto the railing with me to get out. We made it safely to the edge without going around and around again. He was pleased that I was able to help him and he quickly walked up the steps again toward the slide. However, if he would have hesitated even for a moment, he would not have been with me. He was struggling on his own – he needed my help and knew when to ask, with his eye on where he wanted to go.

This describes life in so many ways. Do you ever struggle going round and round with the same old habits? Do you want to get out of the same patterns but the current is STRONG? Do you fear that trying may lead to failure on your own? Perhaps you’ve tried before, only to go under water with the current that continues to take you down stream, around and around again. This time is different, though. Because this time, you can call out to God who is there encouraging you to GET OUT! On your own, you can’t break the cycle. But, with God’s mighty arm, He can lead you to safety. There is nothing impossible for God.

Moses pleaded with God to pick someone else, noting that he wasn’t a good speaker and was “clumsy with words” (Exodus 4:10). You know God’s response? I love it! He asked Moses “Who makes mouths?” (Exodus 4:11). We may believe that we will fail if we try. We might be right! But, we should try anyway, because God can change both our circumstances and our own abilities! Are we able? Not at all! Is God able? YES! And if He’s calling you, He will lead you.

I also love that God sent Aaron along with Moses (Exodus 4:14). Sometimes we are less likely to stick with something new if we’re on our own. Ask God to show you who you can talk to about your situation. Chances are, He already has someone in mind to pray with you and encourage you or to travel with you through your circumstances. And feel free to email me (or drop a comment below), and I will pray for you as well. If you think of it, please pray for me, too. May we do what we know God is calling us to do without hesitation!!!

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You for Your timeless word. Thank You that Moses wasn’t perfect, but the Bible isn’t about him. It’s about You and YOUR ability to lead Your people. Moses was simply Your instrument, and we humbly ask that You enable us to be useful instruments as well. May You be glorified in all we say and do. God, I specifically pray for anyone reading this right now, that they would break free of the fear of failure and take that small step toward Your healing and grace. May we realize that failing is just quitting. If we fall, we need to get back up by Your power alone. If we try and don’t succeed, may we trust that Your plan and Your timing is wonderful. May we sense Your heart and what You have in mind. Please speak clearly to us and remove our fear of failure. May we trust in You fully. In Jesus’ powerful and precious name, AMEN!

Have you ever read a verse in your Bible that you keep thinking about over and over again, almost like a song getting stuck in your head? My reading has progressed to Revelation again and I read these verses from the fifth chapter a couple days ago:

⁶ Then I saw a Lamb, looking as if it had been slain, standing at the center of the throne, encircled by the four living creatures and the elders. The Lamb had seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven spirits of God sent out into all the earth. ⁷ He went and took the scroll from the right hand of Him who sat on the throne. ⁸ And when He had taken it, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and they were holding golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of God’s people. ⁹ And they sang a new song, saying:

“You are worthy to take the scroll
    and to open its seals,
because You were slain,
    and with Your blood You purchased for God
    persons from every tribe and language and people and nation.”

Yesterday as I was reading a familiar story, one line stuck out to me so much that I thought about it all day (and thought it was worth sharing with you). Luke 5 (NLT) begins: “One day as Jesus was preaching on the shore of the Sea of Galilee, great crowds pressed in on him to listen to the word of God. ² He noticed two empty boats at the water’s edge, for the fishermen had left them and were washing their nets. ³ Stepping into one of the boats, Jesus asked Simon (Peter), its owner, to push it out into the water. So he sat in the boat and taught the crowds from there.

⁴ When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, “Now go out where it is deeper, and let down your nets to catch some fish.”

⁵ “Master,” Simon replied, “we worked hard all last night and didn’t catch a thing. But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.” ⁶ And this time their nets were so full of fish they began to tear! ⁷ A shout for help brought their partners in the other boat, and soon both boats were filled with fish and on the verge of sinking.

⁸ When Simon Peter realized what had happened, he fell to his knees before Jesus and said, “Oh, Lord, please leave me—I’m too much of a sinner to be around you.” ⁹ For he was awestruck by the number of fish they had caught, as were the others with him. ¹⁰ His partners, James and John, the sons of Zebedee, were also amazed.

Jesus replied to Simon, “Don’t be afraid! From now on you’ll be fishing for people!” ¹¹ And as soon as they landed, they left everything and followed Jesus.”

This time as I read the story, I thought about the fact that these men had worked hard all night long. They were likely exhausted and perhaps even frustrated that they had been working and yet unsuccessful. I think it would be safe to say that they were ready to go home, give in the towel, call it a day. But Jesus said to go deeper and try again. Simon Peter told Jesus (humbly, I will add) we already tried that, Lord! And it got us nowhere!!! We’ve already worked ALL NIGHT and caught NOTHING!!! But instead of quitting because of his present reality, he obeyed, noting “But if you say so, I’ll let the nets down again.”

We know the rest of the story – they weren’t just successful, they were overwhelmingly successful! So much so that Simon Peter recognized Jesus as Lord.

But, what if instead of obeying the men had said, “This sucks, I quit!” What if in their exhaustion of working hard and having nothing to show for it, they gave up? What if they didn’t listen when Jesus beckoned them to go deeper, to try again, to listen to His calling…

There are many times I want to give up in my own life when I don’t see progress. Lord, I’ve tried! I’m done! But, instead God gently says…”go deeper, try again.” My lifelong struggle has been losing weight, including eating healthier and exercising. I’ll have success and then slide back into old habits of finding emotional comfort in food and drink or enjoying sleep rather than exercise. I want it to come easy and it just doesn’t. I continue to find myself in a place where I need to ask the Lord for His help and His healing. It’s easy for me to say “God, I tried really hard and I just couldn’t…” but He sweetly beckons and reminds me that success comes when He is part of the solution.

My struggle may not be an area that you wrestle with, but I think this applies to more than just being healthy. Rocky marriages, balancing a budget, parenting, getting along with others… it’s easy to say “I tried. I gave it a good effort. It still didn’t work,” and then give up. “I tried showing my spouse I love them, but they still don’t listen to me… I worked really hard this month and I still can’t pay the bills… I tried to give my kids loving attention and they still acted out…. I tried to be forgiving to that person and they are still awful…” DON’T GIVE UP! Instead invite Jesus into your boat. Ask for His help and guidance. Where can you go deeper with Him? How can He help you succeed?

Did the men’s successful catch come from their efforts? Hardly! While they did the work, God receives the glory for turning the situation around. And I believe wholeheartedly that He can do the same today.

Go deeper. Try again. Obey God.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank You that Your Word is alive and meaningful. Thank You for providing practical tips to us. Lord, we’ve worked hard for a long time. We’re tired and ready to give up. But, we hear You say “Go deeper and try again.” We desire to obey. But, Lord, our success only comes from You. If you’re not with us in the boat and helping us, we will only fail again. We humbly ask for You to draw near to us and be part of the solution. May You receive the glory for the turn around in our situation. May we be so overwhelmingly successful that we call to others to join us! May we live for You… In Jesus’ Name we pray, AMEN!

Yesterday, friends invited us to check out the East Lansing Art Festival. Their family has three little boys similar ages to ours, and we truly enjoy hanging out with them! We were both impressed at how large this event was. Multiple streets were lined with tents and vendors offered items ranging from homemade crafts to unique art pieces. Ryan went from being held by Daddy to walking hand-in-hand with me to holding hands with Joshua. The kids were all happily playing together and the parents were chatting and keeping an eye on the larger group. I was impressed with not only the size of the event but also the number of people who were in attendance! It was a pretty crowded area.

After walking a block or so and looking at the “artsy” side, we purchased some water bottles (it was a hot day!) crossed a very busy intersection of the main street of traffic to the other side that offered more crafty-type wares. We stopped for our friends to buy yard stakes, and then we walked a bit for me to buy a personalized wooden flag sign. Ryan had been playing with his water bottle, walking next to Joshua but not holding his hand. Shawn was right behind him and Sandy went into the tent with me to help me pick out a sign. Their 4-year-old son accompanied us gals while the men stayed out with the other kids. Shawn thought Ryan went in with us and saw what he thought was the top of his head in between Sandy and me. While the man personalized my sign, Shawn came in to make sure Ryan wasn’t being a handful. He realized that Ryan wasn’t in the tent after all (their son who’s roughly the same size had already left to join the other boys).

“Where’s Ryan?” Shawn casually asked. “With you,” was my casual response. I paid the man and thanked him, and turned my attention to Shawn, who now looked a little distraught. “I’m going to go back the way we came and look for him.” I now realized Ryan was really not with the men. Still, I wasn’t panicked. I assumed he was nearby and we just didn’t see him in the crowd. Sandy offered to go another direction to look. I demanded of Joshua, “You were holding hands with Ryan the last I had looked.. Which way did he go?!?” Joshua was still having fun with the other boys and shrugged, “I don’t know. He wasn’t with me.” Of course an 8-year-old isn’t responsible for his younger brother. Still, I would have thought one of the kids may have seen him walk away. Which way? They shrugged. I went forward a bit while the boys stayed at the tent where we had just made a purchase with Tim. Meanwhile, Shawn and Sandy went through two separate rows of vendors. I love Ryan dearly but I didn’t think he would have the wherewithal to go back the way we came to try and find us. I assumed he got lost in his own little world of tossing his water bottle in the air like the older boys had been doing and he kept walking when we stopped. I also thought he would probably find one of the many, many dogs that owners had brought to the event and stop to pet it.

I very casually walked up and down looking for him, calling “Ryan! Ry?” to see if he would hear my voice and come running. I also listened for his little voice as he’s not typically too quiet. No one answered. I walked back, thinking Shawn must have found him and brought him back. I saw both Shawn and Sandy circle back, still with no Ryan in hand.

We all started looking a little more panicked as the minutes since we had last seen him were starting to tick by. I didn’t like the look on their faces that was mirroring what I felt in my heart. I quickly and definitively grabbed my older boys and insisted that they walk with me rather than wait by the tent where I had made my purchase. If Ryan were in that area, he would have come out by now. At this point, I didn’t want to be separated from any of my babies.

I continued with my instinct that he had kept walking, dreading that we were coming up to another intersection (although a less busy road). Tim walked back to the road we had crossed. He wanted to make sure Ryan didn’t try to cross the street that had heavily congested traffic. Sandy started talking to vendors, describing Ryan and asking them to hold onto him if they noticed him walking by. I started to yell louder and louder for him, not caring if people thought I was crazy. I didn’t want to sound upset, but I desperately wanted him to hear me and come running to me. I was also listening for him in between my calling his name. “RYAN! RY?!?! Where are you, buddy?”

At this point, I told my other two boys we needed to pray together. We immediately did out loud “Please, God, protect Ryan. Keep him safe. Bring him back to us quickly. Please help us! You’re our only hope. Please God, this is my son…he’s just a baby!” At this point, I realized Ryan had been gone too long. Our chances of finding him were getting less and less with every passing minute. As I rounded the corner I saw even more tents lining the next street with even more people. But I didn’t think he would go this far happily on his own without recognizing we weren’t there with him…

For the past two weeks, Ryan hadn’t slept very well. Shawn and I had had a conversation about feeling like Ryan was scared to be alone. He wouldn’t go into another area of the house by himself even and was barely sleeping, crying out for me in the night. I had asked my little man what was going on – why was he crying at night when he needed his sleep (and I did too!). His response had been that he wanted to snuggle me. I had told him to save his snuggles for daytime hours… Now I desperately wanted a snuggle from him!

I thought of Ryan’s fear of being alone and I started feeling sick in the pit of my stomach. “RYAN! RY!?!?! WHERE ARE YOU, BUDDY?!?!?” I continued to call for him. We continued to search the area. A woman came up to me and said “Can we help you?” I burst into tears and blurted out “My 3-year-old son is lost and all alone and we can’t find him anywhere!” This sweet shopper started mobilizing a team. “Her son is 3!” she shouted. “Help find this lady’s son!” More and more people came up and offered to help. Angels, I tell you! It takes one person to make the choice to help that leads others to recognize that help is needed and pitch in.

“What is he wearing?” someone asked. I described his very simple navy blue shirt and jeans. I groaned inwardly and thought to myself, why don’t I dress him in neon yellow? I heard people say, “Wow! He’s only three?” Folks who had heard me calling a name before suddenly realized how serious the situation was. People started looking and calling his name – he’s 3, wearing blue and his name is Ryan – GO! A woman sent her teenage kids to start looking for a 3-year-old blond boy with blue eyes. Minutes continued to fly by… “RYAN! RY?!?! WHERE ARE YOU, BUDDY?”

I tearfully continued searching until someone said “A boy that fits that description is with a police officer in the information tent.” I felt a surge of hope! “Don’t worry, Mom, he looked very happy and peaceful,” they consoled me. This is what didn’t sit well. Peaceful? Ryan wouldn’t be peaceful without us. Even at night he cries if we’re not in bed next to him. Truly, he’s not even peaceful with us at times. He had been whining how hot he was and how he wanted a balloon yo-yo much of the afternoon. Happy and peaceful…was this found boy the same kid we were looking for? Still, I had to find out! I had to hope it was, even though I was a little doubtful. Where? Where was the information booth? Even if it wasn’t Ryan, that might be a good place to check and get some help.

No one seemed to know where the booth was. I followed a woman who was trying to get her bearings with all the tents and people and we walked all over and through a large building to the other side…on and on we kept going. As we raced, my older boys complained that they were having a hard time keeping up. I was pulling them along, anxious to find the information booth and my Ryan! As we kept walking and walking, the strong doubts that this was my son started to creep in. Really? This far? He wouldn’t have gone this far on his own… I heard people tell each other “They found him. You can stop searching.” I wanted to scream “Don’t stop! What if this isn’t the same child?!?” I literally felt sick. What if this wasn’t my son and I was being led far away from where we had last seen him? I was starting to panic, but this was the only “lead” we had.

The thought crept in, “What if someone took him?” We hadn’t found him after searching a long time in that area. He wouldn’t go this far. What if…I tried to push those thoughts out of my head. If this boy wasn’t Ryan, I wasn’t sure what I would do….I couldn’t think about it. I had to keep pushing.

We arrived at the information booth, and there was no police officer and no Ryan waiting for us. WHAT?!?! The woman there said, “Someone told us that a frantic mom was searching for her missing son on the other side, so the police officer was walking the boy over that way to try to find you. Stay here, and he’ll come back eventually. Don’t worry, the boy is calm and fine.” Minutes passed. No Ryan. Do I wait here, far away from where I felt we should be looking? Yet, the three of us (Shawn, Sandy and myself with my other kiddos) had walked up and down that area with absolutely no success. Others were looking and hadn’t spotted him. Tim was still stationed with their kids by the busy street, not thinking that strangers would allow a small child to cross alone but not wanting to take the chance…

I texted Shawn that they may have found Ryan, and he came running to where we were, only to find no child. I wanted to leave, but everyone cautioned, “Stay.” What seemed like an eternity later, Sandy tearfully came up with the police officer and with a very calm Ryan who was happy to see us. My rigid body relaxed as I let out a gleeful sigh and scooped him into my arms. I tearfully told him “Mommy was lost! I was sad I couldn’t find you!” I didn’t want to make him panic but he said “Yeah, I couldn’t find you either.” We thanked the police officer and I hugged my boy! Sandy said she ran into the police officer who was bringing Ryan around to the area where we had been. When she saw the officer and Ryan, she started to cry and explained to him, “I’m not the mom but I’m with her!” She had also started fearing the worst and had suggested earlier to her husband that we should call the police. Now she was able to tell him that Ryan had been found. Tim went with his kiddos and bought them all the balloon yo-yo’s that Ryan had been asking for since he had seen theirs.

Their family continued to look around as I told Shawn that I had had enough excitement for the day…we headed back home, and then their family came over later to hang out. I told Shawn it had been a rough day (even with our car battery dying…another story!). But, it was a good day when we realized that all of our kids were home safe with us. Thank You, God, for protecting our boys!

The situation made me think about parents whose story doesn’t have a happy ending…how do you reconcile that in your mind? I don’t have a great answer, but I still trust that I have a great God. I am humbled and grateful that our boys are okay.

We moved to Michigan for my husband’s job toward the end of last summer. It was a decision we had been wrestling with prior to making the move – at first I had told him NO WAY to moving north and west. But, as we prayed, God began to change my heart. I saw verses about God leading us to where He wants us and directing the steps of the godly (as I have mentioned before). Eventually we agreed to move, and everything “fell into place” – which I attribute to God working in our lives! Our house sold, we found a home here, the boys loved their school, etc. Part of why I felt like it may be a good fit for us was that my husband’s job was near MSU, which offered a doctoral program in marketing. It had been a dream of mine to obtain my PhD, but I wasn’t sure how realistic that goal really was…

Have you ever seen someone post incessantly to Facebook? No matter how much you love the person, deep down inside you think, “I don’t need to see yet another selfie or hear exactly what you ate for lunch…” Perhaps you’re that person taking over everyone’s news feed! But, perhaps you’ve fallen to the other end of the spectrum. Have you ever just felt insignificant? Perhaps you’ve been praying about an issue and are beginning to feel like God is far too busy with world issues to care about the details of your life. Instead of hoping for 50+ likes on yet another photo of your gorgeous smile, you fear there’s not a soul that would care if you didn’t post anything.

I confess I’ve struggled in this area. Does my life have value to others? We really don’t know a lot of folks since moving – would anyone notice if I just disappeared altogether? Sure, my husband and kiddos would see a gap – until my man remarried someone blond and leggy and a decade younger and hired a lovely nanny who I’m sure could cook better and would never get angry and always have amazing Pinterest activities to do with the kids… Really, it’s easy to think we don’t measure up to what we “should be” because all we see is the glamorous side of other people’s lives – the selfies taken at the perfect angle of awards won, scrumptious new recipes mastered and kiddos playing happily. It’s rare to see some honest, relevant, down-to-earth sharing. (And even if such things are shared, it’s often by the same person who has given a play-by-play of their entire day! Haha!)

As I was thinking about such things, the thought came to mind of a 1,000 piece puzzle. Have you ever tried to put one together? If you can’t find a piece to an area, it can drive you bonkers. You may finish a certain section and think “aaaahhh – where is that one final piece to this part?” And if you find it, the joy that it brings is more than the rest of the hundreds of pieces that are already in their place. Truly, each single piece is needed! On the other hand, is one piece so special that it can be the star of the show? Not really. A piece by itself is just an odd shape with some color to it. Necessary in the grand scheme? Absolutely! Worthy of everyone’s attention and 1,000 selfies? Truly, no. But, in all honesty, do any of those puzzle pieces make any sense without the one who is putting it together? Only the one who sees the greater picture can understand what fit and role each piece has to offer and where each one belongs. Our lives only make sense in community and together when God – who sees the greater picture – places us where we belong to “fit” in with others. Without Him, our lives won’t make sense.

This picture of the puzzle reminded me of the verses in 1 Corinthians 12:12-27 where we see that God has created us as individuals to serve as one larger body. You may not be the most gorgeous person in the world, the fastest runner, the best baker, the most talented musician, the award-winning athlete, the mom of perfect children, the best dressed or even mediocre at everyday activities. But, you have a special role to play in the greater picture of God’s bigger plan! You may not “grow up” to be the president of the United States, have your own TV show, write columns for the Wall Street Journal or sing on American Idol. But, you are important! You may not be Queen Esther, but you were certainly born for “such a time as this.” Each role that you play, each gift that you have, each thing that you are good at is important to God and to those you share life with.

I love when I read stories of how XYZ person was the Sunday school teacher of someone famous and influenced his or her life. Even take the ancestral line of Jesus and you’ll find some pretty “ordinary” men and women who God used in His greater story. You may not know the importance of your role in ‘history’ on this side of eternity. But, you weren’t put on earth by chance. You are dearly loved by God and He has plans for your life.

So, when the enemy starts making you think that you are insignificant, unworthy and unnoticed in the world and by the God of the Universe, take those thoughts captive and remind yourself of the truth instead. Start looking for ways to love God and love others, and you’ll see where you fit. If you’re feeling puzzled, remember you are a special piece in a bigger plan!

Father God, we thank You for being the Master Creator. While we think that you must be far too busy to think about us, we forget that you are God and can handle even the details of all the things you’ve made. You aren’t limited by human perception and abilities! You care about us and our lives. We trust that You answer prayers in Your time, and that timing is perfect. We submit our lives to You and ask You to place us where we belong – help us see the fit in the bigger puzzle. May we use each of our abilities and talents for Your glory and to the best of our ability. Where we feel like we fall short, please help us. May we love and serve You and love and serve others around us. Thank You for Your mercy and grace and love. In Jesus’ Name, AMEN!

This past week as I was doing my women’s Bible study homework, I felt extremely convicted. And (at least when time allows!) I often like to write about things I’m thinking about or working through because 1) it helps me digest what I’m reading, 2) it gives me a “record” of sorts to come back to later, and 3) hopefully it helps others who read it.

We’ve been studying about Moses, and we came to Numbers 11 in our reading. Before even completing the homework, I thought “Ah, I know these verses! I’ve even written about the ‘Graves of Craving’ before.” But, why didn’t I think about the beginning few verses more in the past? They all but jumped off the page at me this time!

Numbers 11 begins, “Soon the people began to complain about their hardship, and the Lord heard everything they said. Then the Lord’s anger blazed against them, and He sent a fire to rage among them, and He destroyed some of the people in the outskirts of the camp. Then the people screamed to Moses for help, and when he prayed to the Lord, the fire stopped. After that, the area was known as Taberah (which means ‘the place of burning’), because fire from the Lord had burned among them there.” (Numbers 11:1-3, NLT).

The Israelites had been freed from slavery. They had seen all the many miracles the Lord performed against the Egyptians and their gods. They had experienced the Lord’s blessing in calling them His own people – they had even seen the glory rest upon the mountain. They were following the cloud by day and the fire by night. God Himself was at the center of their camp! And yet, as they began to travel, they started to complain about their hardship. And it made God ANGRY!!! In the last half of verse 20, God says to them, “For you have rejected the Lord, who is here among you, and you have whined to Him, saying, ‘Why did we ever leave Egypt?'”

I began thinking about how God said that the people’s complaining was really showing that they were rejecting the Lord and His plans for their lives. I’ve wrestled with this fact this entire week. I’ll be honest and say that I’ve complained a lot since moving to Michigan. It’s SO cold! I miss my gym. I miss my running friends. I miss knowing where to shop. I miss knowing where I’m going. I hate shoveling. In fact, I somehow managed to pull one of the vertebrae in my neck out of alignment when I was chipping away at ice on my driveway the one day. I thought I had just overworked the muscles until I went to the family doctor a few weeks later. I cried to my husband saying I was tired of being in pain, tired of living in an area where my family wasn’t close enough to help, tired of not having good workout solutions… I was even toying with the notion of walking away. He said he and the kids would follow if I left. (We have a joke that if one of us tries to leave, it’s okay because the other will just follow). I am embarrassed by my behavior, but I have literally all but thrown myself on the ground in a temper tantrum like my three-year-old. Days and days I’ve cried about how unfair life is here in this miserably cold and dreary state. The sun never shines! On and on I would whine, only adding to my husband’s stress level. He has been so calm and so patient, and yet I know he hates to see my unhappy. 😦

Then I read this passage this week and felt the weight of my sin. The Israelites were toward the beginning of their journey and they whined about not having the delicacies of Egypt. Had they forgotten their slavery? Had they forgotten that the Pharaoh had ordered their sons to be killed at birth? Why would they say the good ol’ days were better? Because that’s what we do when we don’t have faith for what’s to come!

Shawn and I didn’t move here on a whim. We prayed about it. We felt the nudge that it was the right thing to do. We prayed some more. We asked for wisdom. We asked others to pray with us. We heard over and over again that this was the right direction. I didn’t want to, necessarily, but I felt like we were supposed to. So, if God has a plan for us, why am I whining at six months into the journey? Haven’t I seen God’s miracles? Haven’t I been the receiver of His many blessings? Why am I so prone to do exactly what the Israelites did – jump right into sin by throwing a pity party about what we left behind rather than looking to the future?!

The Israelites were going to a land of milk and honey. God was going to bless them, keep them from sickness, multiply them and live among them. He only asked for faith and obedience in return. And yet they whined about their hardships and roused God’s anger to where He sent fire to the outskirts of their camp. When I think about God at the center, the people on the outskirts would be those who were the furthest from God. I certainly don’t want to be there! I don’t want to make God angry by my terrible attitude. Instead, I desire to have a heart of thanksgiving.

Instead of looking at what Michigan doesn’t have compared to Pennsylvania, I’m trying to see the little and big things that God has given us along the way AND to show gratitude for them. For example, my kids have been to the pediatrician only once since arriving (and that was for a check-up). They haven’t been sick at all this winter! Even the fact that we got into this pediatrician is a huge blessing since they typically only accept newborns from the hospital but made a one-time exception for us! My boys also love their school here and have made friends. I am enjoying my women’s Bible study. One friend even invited us to come play at her house one day afterwards, and it was wonderful! Another friend from our life group reached out to have dinner together and connect. I love meeting new friends, and it has been a HUGE blessing! Shawn likes his job and the people he works with. We have a house and are settling in. We both have reliable vehicles (love my mama minivan!). Our entire family truly enjoys our church here. Since we’re heading toward spring, the days are getting a little longer and we’re noticing it being light later. I’ve been able to teach online still. We have found a babysitter we really like. There’s more I could share, but these are just some of the positives that I was overlooking. Most of all, I wasn’t showing my husband how much I love him and how grateful I am that he and our boys are part of my life. It is amazing to have a loving family, and I was selfishly complaining about my personal hardships of missing MY gym and MY running buddies.

I had to repent this week and ask for forgiveness, both from God and my sweet man. I believe that God has a plan for us here, and so I’m going to let go of what was and try to make the best of what is. The forecast calls for snow tomorrow and a windchill of -20. But one of my New Year’s Resolutions is to be like Paul when he wrote in Philippians 4:11-13 that he’s learned to be content in any situation, whether with much or little because he knows that he can do everything through Christ who strengthens him. YES! I’m resolving to be content, to look above the circumstances to the One who is calling us forward, and to be thankful in the process for all the many blessings we have been given.

Do you ever catch yourself complaining? If so, does it show a rejection of God’s plan for your life? Perhaps it’s time to ask God to help us turn whine into praise!

Heavenly Father, thank You for Your grace and compassion. Thank You for being slow to anger and abounding in love. We humbly ask for forgiveness for complaining about minor hardships in the grand scheme of life. Forgive our poor attitudes and our rejection of You and Your plans for us. We are truly sorry! Help us learn to be content in all circumstances. May we thank You and praise You for the many blessings we see and look for them instead of focusing on the hard parts of life. And, will You please use the hard parts to draw us closer to You rather than further away? May we seek You for direction and comfort and not the things of this world. Thank You, God, for being amazing and having a good plan for us and our future. In Jesus’ Name we pray, AMEN!

Since I love music and this song came to mind this week as I was studying, I thought I would include it here. If you listen to the words, it says “Don’t just say why were the old days better, just because you’re scared of the unknown…”

“If you wait for perfect conditions, you’ll never get anything done.” ~Ecclesiastes 11:4

When I read this verse, I highlighted it in my Bible and put a star next to it. How many times have I waited rather than just starting? For example, I would start training for my next race, but the weather is frigid; I think I’ll wait until there’s no sign of snow. I would start eating right, but I might as well finish what’s in my fridge now and start next week when I go to the grocery store. I would start studying for my GMAT but I really feel the need to spend my time unpacking. I would adopt a child, but my own kids are little right now so why not wait until they are older? I would travel now, but let’s wait until we have more time or money or (FILL IN THE BLANK). You get the idea…

We can always find excuses to allow us to stay put and not “get anything done.” (Yikes!) The conditions may never be perfect! You may turn 80 waiting for the right moment to just get started! Or you can start NOW! Take the imperfect condition, your imperfect self, and simply ask the perfect God to help you! Today is January 1 – the first day of a brand new year! The conditions may not be perfect, but the time is right…

Dear Heavenly Father, You are holy and worthy of praise. You know the big picture and the day-by-day moments. Lord, you know that the conditions we are in are less than perfect in this world. Will you please help us? Give us the motivation to start despite the circumstances. Help us each step of the way. And may we honor You and give You the glory for anything we get done. Thank You for the truth found in Your holy Word. In Jesus’ Name we pray, AMEN!